Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Letter to Baby Bean

Hello, dear reader. Baby Bean is now six months old. I wrote this letter to her to include in her scrapbook for her half year birthday.  I debated whether to post it or not, but then I remembered the picture below and I thought, 'well, this is a blog of things I have made...and I did have a hand in making that little thing.'  Granted, I had a little help from Mr. Bean, but she is absolutely the number one thing I've made that I am most proud of so I wanted to share it with you.  And, don't worry.  I won't be doing this very often. I am just a bit sentimental as I have been looking back on the last 6 months. 

Dear Baby, 

I never really thought I would be writing a letter like this. The truth is, I always thought it would be just me and Daddy. That my biological clock was broken and that I wouldn't ever get that feeling most women seem to be born with.  But that moment hit me unexpectedly one night and I told Daddy that I wanted to have a baby. We laughed for a little while because I had never said those words out loud, but then we got excited at the idea of you.  While it wasn't as simple as that, it was that simple.  One day, you were there.  The day we saw your little heart flashing on the ultrasound was the proudest day of my life. I had so much love for that little blinking light that I couldn't hardly breathe. The next 6 weeks were unbearable. The fact that every baby is a mini miracle does not escape me now. That everything has to be perfect - a perfect storm - for this little miracle to happen. For 6 more weeks, we watched the clock ticking by minute by minute.  With each minute it got harder and harder because the idea that you were coming got more and more real.  And then we got overwhelmed at the idea that we had already worried about you and loved you so much already and you weren't even here yet.  We had to wonder what will it be like when you actually are here?  The idea of you is overwhelming. That we are now responsible for your well being. For your education. For your success. But we take this role seriously and we promise to do our best to make sure you can do your best. Deal? Deal.

Your birth was nothing I expected. I could write down all the hospital details but it isn't important anymore. I am sure I will give you plenty of guilt trips later on in your life where I can say "do you know what I went through to have you?" and you will hear all about it then.  The things I want to remember are these.... The moment daddy walked in to the operating room.  Seeing him in the scrubs and knowing we were about to see you. You were taking your time, as if you knew you would be sticking around for a while so what's the rush?  He held my hand the entire time.  We told each other we loved each other.  I kept praying and thanking God for sending me one of His angels. When we heard your cry, we looked at each other and both got teary eyed. We were speechless for a few seconds. Waiting to hear more. Listening to the doctor and nurses. Wondering if everything was OK.  Daddy got to look over the screen and see you first.  I couldn't wait for them to bring you to me.  When they did, it wasn't long enough.  They just showed you to us like a prize.  I was disappointed. I wanted you in my arms and I didn't want to let go. They took you to weigh you and measure you.  'Where were you hiding all this baby?' the doctor asked.  You were a lot bigger than the doctors expected.  When they finally brought you to me, it was an awkward angle and the medicine made me nauseous so I had to give you up again.  This time it was to dad.  I was a bit jealous, but I guess I had you all to myself for so long I am glad he had a moment with you alone.  Then you were off again. They sent us to recovery and we were there waiting for you forever. We waited 41 weeks and 2 days to see you, but this wait? It seemed like an eternity.  We could hear you crying but couldn't see you. And then. Finally. They brought you to us.  I was still shivering but I managed to take a picture of you. Everyone was texting Daddy asking when they could see you, so we decided to send a picture. I didn't realize at the time how beautiful you looked in that picture. I do now. But we sent it with just your name. We don't know what the reaction was. I wish we could have seen it. But Uncle Billy texted back and said "it is pretty emotional out here" so I knew everyone was touched by seeing you for the first time and seeing your name for the first time. Funny how a simple text could mean so much, but at that moment when I hit 'send', it felt real. You were actually here.

Finally I was cleared to be sent to my room. As they were rolling me down the hall I could see everyone standing at the nursery looking at you. It was surreal. So many times I have been the one standing by the nursery looking at another baby. But this time it was my baby. And it was my baby that people were there for. We still had to wait another hour for you. And then, just like that, they rolled you into our room. And you were ours. There were a few more tears at the sight of you. Everyone had only seen you from a distance, watching how brave you were in the nursery.  After everyone left and all the nurses were gone, Daddy and I just looked at you and looked at each other. We were in awe of you. It was about 3:30 in the morning by then. And then. As if on cue, you pooped.  And then it got really real. :) Daddy had to unwrap your perfect swaddle the nurses left you in. I suddenly realized the last diaper I had changed was at least a decade ago. Daddy realized the last diaper he had changed was Uncle Billy's. But we figured it out. And I feel like we are still figuring things out. 

These past six months, the three of us have been through the roller coaster of all roller coasters. These past six months have been the most difficult thing Daddy and I have ever done in our lives. But one little smile from you makes me feel like the three of us can do anything together. Your smiles in the morning are better than any Starbucks grande non-fat hazelnut latte with whip.  Well. Most mornings. I wish I already had all the answers.  I wish I already knew what to do every time you cry. I am sorry you have to be our little guinea pig.  But you have a forgiving soul. I can see it in your eyes. You have a sense of humor. I can see that in your smile. And you have sense of adventure. I can hear that in your laugh. So, thank you for going on this crazy ride with me and Daddy. We don't deserve you, but we will spend our lifetime trying to prove that we do. 


Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Happy New Year

Hello, Reader!  I know I have been full of promises lately, but I really have had good intentions.  I keep underestimating how much work I have to do at work and how much work I have to do at home and how lazy I am. The laziness has been winning across the board.  However, I'm not too busy to just sign in for a moment and wish you a happy new year.

The picture above pretty much shows what 2013 will be about for the Beans. It is taken from one of my amazing baby showers.  I will definitely post pics of both of them because so much thought and care was taken to make sure they were amazing, but I will let the party planners have their chance to post pics first. Ladies, you all outdid yourselves.  

This past year has been pretty good to me.  As I reflect back on 2012, one thing stands out to me the most:  How many amazing people I have in my life.  I get a little emo when I start dissecting moments and gatherings and parties and phone calls and texts and IMs because I really have surrounded myself with some of the most awesome people on earth.  No lie.  So as 2013 has already managed to be crazier than 2012, I have to say thank you to all my peeps.  Thank you for being there for me.  For making me laugh.  For listening.  For listening to me cry.  For letting me vent. For letting me hear you vent. For putting me in my place when I needed it.  For backing me up when I needed it.  For understanding me. For bending over backwards for me.  For checking in on me.  For giving me advice. For taking mine.  Basically, thank you for being awesome. I feel confident that all of you will be on this journey that 2013 brings for Mr. Bean and I.  And I cannot wait for Baby Bean to meet every one of you.

I was going to post all of my 2012 highlights, but I think I will wait on that.  I want to make sure I don't miss a thing.  I promise to keep up with this blog much better in 2013.  Just bear with me.  I wish you all the best in 2013!  I know it will be the most amazing year yet.  :)  

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

October Obsessions and GSD

Happy Halloween!!  I'm going to get a last minute post here for October.  We look a little miserable here, but trust me, we were greatly rewarded for our efforts with lots and lots of treats.  

So, I think I spoke too soon last month.  I am technically back in Blogland, but I am trying to research anything and everything I will need and need to know for Baby Bean.  This has consisted of lots of internet searches as well as lots of emails asking my friends where the heck to start.  My friends are professionals now so they have given me so much awesome information.  Yay to having awesome friends.  However, any sort of crafting has come to a halt at the moment.  But, I am just enjoying the last few weeks of it just being me, Mr. Bean, and the Fred.

My obsessions this month will be short.  Mostly because I have to finish up some stuff so I can leave early and buy some candy for the handful of trick or treaters we'll be getting, but also because I will have a November post up shortly.

{image via Cicada Daydream}
GeoCentric by Michelle Engel Bencsko.  I am pretty obsessed with this fabric line.  I can't really say much else.  Except that I'd like to marry it.  That is all.  I love all of the patterns, all of the colors.  I even love the name.  Check out Cloud9 Fabrics if you want to purchase this for me.  Check out Michelle's blog here.

That's it. Told you it was short!  This month is GSD month at the Bean household.  Getting Stuff Done.  My FIL has come over to help us hang lights that I bought months before we were pregnant.  Replace light plates and outlets that have been begging to be updated since 1982.  I'm exaggerating here.  Our house was built in 2001, but the builders used the cheapest, ugliest possible materials they could to put this house together.  We are seeing the floor in the guestroom now as I'm finally getting my books down to the minimal only-keep-the-ones-I-love stash.  Getting rid of books is hard for me to do because I am, at heart, a lover of books.  I love my Kindle, but man, I love to hold a book.

I haven't started purging the craft room, but that will come in time.  Right now, I just need to finish up filling a few more boxes of donations.  For a while there, you couldn't tell if we were moving in or moving out, but I think we are getting to the point that you can tell we are going to stay for a bit.  And that is a good feeling.

We got the baby's room painted. The closet is ripped out and repainted, waiting for the elfa shelving sale at Container Store.  The crib is in the room and will be built this weekend.  Her new ceiling fan is hung.  Please see the above comment about the ugliest, cheapest materials used on the house.  I know I'm somewhat behind in the nursery department, but I'm feeling pretty good about where I'm at in the GSD department, so that's all that matters to me.  

This weekend I will be attending Quilt Market.  I am going to try to remain focused and only by what it necessary.  And by 'necessary' I mean only what I need.  And by 'only what I need' I mean only what I can carry in one bag and not pass out from holding it for 5 hours.  Wish me luck.  

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

September Obsessions

Hello, Friend!  I think I'm back!  I think I've caught up enough at work that I feel more comfortable slacking off and blogging a bit. So, here I am!

There isn't much to catch you up on.  The last few weeks have been really just a lot of working and cooking and cleaning and purging.  I am feeling like a normal person again, so I've actually started cooking again.  The smell would get to me too much to ever finish what I started, so I've been avoiding the kitchen the last few months.  Mr. Bean is relieved because he prefers home food and is not a fan of eating out constantly and he is always too tired when he comes home from work to cook himself.  So he is grateful that he doesn't have to worry about dinner anymore. I am just grateful that I am not as sensitive to smells anymore.

I feel like I am forever saying that I am purging and cleaning, but I think the end is near.  I guess I have always had enough room to keep my purging pretty minimal since I have always had two spare rooms to still hoard stuff.  But now that Baby Bean will be occupying one of those rooms, I had to really get down to the nitty gritty and get rid of a ton of stuff.  My mom is the cleaning/organizing/purging extraordinaire so she has helped me a lot.  I am proud of what we've gotten done so far, but there are a million little things to still go thru.  I aim to finish that up by this weekend so we can paint her room.  Oh, did I not mention that?  We are having a girl!  When we found out, Mr. Bean's first words were, "First we buy the crib, then we buy the shotgun."  :)  So I think you can guess what kind of daddy he will be...

I can't wait to get her room painted so I can start making things.  I am a procrastinator at heart, so I know my list of things I'd like to make is more of a wish list, but I will definitely keep you posted on what I do make.  This is a craft blog, after all.  Not a Pintobean update blog. Word?

This obsessions post will be short because I really haven't been reading about anything other than baby stuff lately.

{image via Dotmmo}

Gardens of Time.  Thanks to Sharmee, I am absolutely addicted to this game.  She told me she was addicted so I downloaded it to see what all the fuss was about. And now I am obsessed.  The part that they get you is that you are limited on your energy so you can only play a limited amount of time.  In order to get more energy, you either buy more gold or you wait it out.  And trust me, it feels like forever when you wait so it is mighty tempting. But, man, is it worth the wait.

All Cause of You by The 88.  So I am a bit embarrassed to admit this, but if you promise not to judge, I'll tell you.  While I was home one day with a bad bout of morning sickness, I started watching Blue Lagoon: The Awakening.  I am a sucker for teen romance movies.  Like Geek Charming.  Please don't judge.  You promised you wouldn't.  Anyway, BLTA was a mini obsession of mine for a few days.  The movie itself could have been a bit better, but it satisfied my craving for a good teenie bopper love story.  However, the soundtrack rocked.  I went crazy trying to find a proper soundtrack listing and apparently other people on the world wide web were doing the same thing.  Some other awesome songs:  I Do by Dave Thomas Junior,  December Days by Tim Hanauer, and No One Here by The 88.

That's all I've got for this month!

In other news, I've started up a website.  Pintobean Creates.  I haven't done anything with it yet, but that is in the To Do day...  And I apologize for the Papyrus font on there.  Mr. Bean typed it all in for me as I've got to figure out how to actually make a website so I can get that started.  He knows not what he does.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

August Obsessions and Other News

Hello, reader!  I'm sure you noticed that I took an unexpected hiatus from blogging.  Or maybe I am thinking too much of myself and you didn't.  But, I did, and I'm sorry I dropped off the face of the internet.   It was a little burnt out-ness, a little busy-ness, and a lot of tiredness and morning sickness....or as I like to say all day sickness.  Yep, Mr. Bean and I are having a baby!!  Baby Bean is expected to make his/her debut around January 27th, 2013.  As much as I would love to say 'that sounds so far away', Mr. Bean and I are hoping time slows down a bit because we have a lot to do before then and we are already wondering what we got ourselves into.  In a good way.  

I know we shocked quite a few people with the announcement.  I think most people gave up on us, but that made the surprise that much sweeter. We wanted to do something special to make the announcement to Mr. Bean's parents, but knew to keep it simple because they aren't extravagant people.  So, I made some cupcake toppers and a cupcake banner with the news.  They were definitely surprised and over the moon. I think my FIL calls me more now than he ever did Mr. Bean or Billy Bean. My FIL is a man of few words, so Mr. Bean is always surprised when he comes home and I am talking to his dad.

I am overwhelmed with the amount of love and support we've received from friends and family.  Especially Mr. Bean's family.  I get calls/texts/emails all the time from friends, uncles, aunties and cousins just checking to see how I am feeling.  While I don't always feel like talking - the morning sickness has been worse for me in the evening - I can't tell you how much I appreciate their thoughts and kindness. I know the "highly anticipated" - as my MIL says - Baby Bean will be loved wherever we take him/her.  And that means the world to me.

Now on to my August obsessions.

{image via Ben Gilman}
The Olympics.  I missed July's obsessions post in a big way, but I can tell you the only obsession I had. Because it carries over to this month's obsessions list: The Olympics.  Mr. Bean and I LOVE the Olympics.  I pretty much cry every day at least once.  Love hearing the athletes' stories.  Love seeing the athletes getting their medals. Love hearing the national anthem. Love the competition.

{image via Gloss and Glam}
butter LONDON.  And speaking of the Olympics, my friend gave me this Heavy Medal Collection from butter London as a gift.  Too cute.  butter LONDON is an eco-friendly nail polish line that I'm quickly becoming obsessed with. I have used all three colors and can't decide which is my favorite yet.  But, I think I will have to start stocking up on other colors because me likey.  Find out where you can buy their products here.

Bob Dylan.  I have had an ongoing obsession since about April that I haven't shared since I haven't blogged much.  Mad Men.  I started with season one on Netflix and am now down to the final two episodes of season 4.  It took a few episodes to grow on me, but I was definitely intrigued with the clothes and the furniture so I pressed on to total obsession.  It's a pretty scandalous show and sometimes I find myself yelling at Don Draper hoping he'll hear me, but I can't wait to get started on season 5.  I also love the music the show plays as the closing credits roll.  Heard this song on one ep and have been listening to Bob ever since.  

That's all for this month.  I promise to start working on some more posts!